A Spiral Downfall

Name? ::: Nicky, Nicolette
Birthplace ::: Long Island, NY
Age ::: 16
Stats ::: Single
Current location ::: My Basement
Hair color ::: Brown with blond highlightsps
Zodiac sign? ::: Cancer
Height? ::: 5'6

Morbid Angel - Dark Angel



Message

Dragged away
screeching inside
something cold about this

eearie even
dark, scary
even if it's desired

something inside
telling me to break
Infront of everything that matters

I can't stay
I gotta run
away from everything I love

Open Window
Descending Feet

Ringing Phone
Phone Unanswered

Lost What Was Needed
Only to be Regained

Sit on an Uplift
Looking Unto Forever

Forever Fades
It's Being Blocked

Enjoy the View
Close Eyes & Walk Away

Know It's Hard
Know It'll Be Okay

Free Counter

Contact Me

8.22.2005

An_Erotic_Alchemy

god i love moonspell.
god i love the way i used to right so much more.

why should i even bother writing, i know how i feel...
most of the time.
and i know what i do. when its happening.
sometimes i dont remember the next day.

but do people really need to read about other peoples lives?
does it excite them that much?

its like if i said.
hey i got laid three days ago.
and three days be for that.
we do all S&M, im always sub.
do people get off to that?

or how bout, i got high for three weeks straight.
im such a stoner. and my parents dont care.
do people envy the way my parents dont care?

of course all of that is false.
i havent smoked weed, or done drugs since june 30th or the 31st.
and i havnt drank in about a month.
im craving alcohol though.
oh well.

so will and i are completely done.
then i met baxter.
him and i lasted maybe a month.
and now we are done.
and then richey called me.
maybe something will happen with that
but maybe, he will call me.
and maybe somethine will happen with that.
because thats what i really want.
and i know i cant have it.

which is indeed a shitty feeling

so for the first time in the history of me and elliot.
we met up and had a civilized conversation, and spoke about our feelings,
and madeup.
we left that night on a good note and today too.
thats a great feeling.
i feel mature.
we also managed to smoke a pack of cciggerettes in an hour and ahalf.
definaltly less then that.
i chain smoke, badly.

i havent seen anybody in so long.
i hope i see richey on thursday.
that would make my summer.
him and katelyn rock my socks.

so i might be going to cali twice this year,
once with shaa and once to see my cousin,
im going to the killers concert sept 30th,
and hopefully msi if steve wants to go.
im going to vermont columbus day,
and maine probably the week after.
spring break im going to florida, and then going on a cruise.
this year will indeed be awesome.
i cant wait to do well in school, and see all my friends again.

i love them.

i pierced my third holes the other night.
no pain. and they look decent.
im getting my second cartilage soon,
and hopefully my industrial.
which is going to hurt >_<

i can home from florida two days ago.
i saw lauriin whitey pete joey eddy and stelle.
then i saw hannah shaa matt and elliot yesterday
and hopefully tiff tonight.
and then apparently travis is coming here tomarrow
so i can see him tomarrow night, and chill with him and elliot.
and get crunk nucca =D. ha.

max and pete are leaving soon.
im going to cry.
now there is no reason for mike and i to end up in the same place.
i know once max leaves. i wont see him again.

oh, saturdya night max and i drove around.
we went to exit 42 on the highway and drove around there.
got lost, but managed to get home.

icant wait to go shopping, you have no idea.
i cant wait to go to TJ Max and get a pair of Sevens.
caitlin will be so proud.

i dont want to write anymore.
i hope this satisfied anyone who reads this

love always
nicky marie.*

Posted at 12:51 pm by xWastedYouthx
Let Loose Of A Tear...

4.12.2005

When the Devils are really Angels...

...freeing us from the Earth

alright i know.
i havent updated since god knows when.

but im home.
and i have time to.
its tuesday.
and everyone is in school.
and im home.
sick.
oh joy.

eh. 11 days till i go to florida.
i cant fucking wait.

so apparently there is no direct flight to maine.
and they are fucking 130$
thats nuts.
to fly fuckin 4 states away.

maybe some one will pick me up.
i doubt it.

so VNV Nation is playing on the 17th and 18th of june.
and im fucking going.
and my sweet 16 is on the 19th.

on fathers day?

now why the fuck would i do that?
was i high then?
probably.
ha.

alright so this weekend.
fucking amazing.

friday i drove around with a bunch of chicks and dudes
from like 630-815.
went to the water falls, wendys and a couple other places.
people i fucking love you.
quotes:
"dont kill him, hes my ride!"
"dude gimme a bouge"
"get in your car"
"gimme a bouge"
"get in your car"
"gimme a fucking bouge!"
"get in your fucking car!!"

hahah fucking love it.

then i went to mams around 830 with lauriin and elliot.
we played twister.
'right hand red'
"aw shit i dont have one!"
good times.

saturday mornign i went with my mom for swimmin lessons for james and emily.
some kid shit in the pool.

so the thing ended early while they cleaned the pool.
i cleaned the bathroom.
showered.
called mam and elliot.
and my mom took us to jones beach.
had a fucking killer time.
got home around 5.
walked to mams.
got her shit.
and came back to my house.
called elliot
and went to wills.
bought beer and drank.

we ate these awesome string beans and pickles.
ate pastachios.
drank more beer.
carried some home=D
and watched napolean dynamite with my mom and mam.
mam and i were drunk.
and my mom knew it was soo good.
mam slept over.
we woke up with killer hangovers.

sunday.
woke up with mam.
she left around 1030-1100
and i showered and bullshitted.
then we[me and mam] went to the mall.
my hang over really kicked in, and i walked around with a hermit crab in a box.
i got really sick and took some nyquill when i got home.

i fell asleep at 700
and woke up monday morning at 9.
went to school at 1000 and came home on first bus.

i woke up today,
feeling like shit.
and uh i didnt go to school
my dogs gettting groomed.
my brother sister and mommy are at a party for james class mate.
and im home alone!!
yay!!

my grandpma just called.
i <3 her.
fucking 11 days.

and i cant wait till my fucking sweet 16.
i can get a hero in the shape of a 16.
thats fuckign awesome.

will and i havent hung out in the longest time
his parents dont like me no more.
it sucks.

so i wanna go to boces again.
i had such a good time.
i <3 the faggot.
ha.

i cant wait till spring break.

alright so i know my blog royally sucks now.
ive had it for so long.

im gunna go
look at flights...again...

love always
nicky marie.*

Posted at 12:05 pm by xWastedYouthx
Let Loose Of A Tear...

3.17.2005

Im back, part 372503

so im back. again.
i might be moveing.
to maine.
i hope.

im bakeing a quiche.
for french.
i dont know why.
its good though.

im going to boces tomarrow.
then the movies.
to see teh ring 2.
with mam richy and katelyn n will<3.

i love will.
more than anything.

i have nothing else to write.
so i will write nothing.

love always,
nicky marie.*

Posted at 09:44 pm by xWastedYouthx
(1) Tears Fallen

1.31.2005

Update-age

I hate some of my friends.

They're so stoopit.
Like elliot. hahaha.

Tip:[for girls] IF YOU ARE GOING TO WEAR A THONG, MAKE SURE IT IS YOUR SIZE [not 2 sizes bigger to show off] AND THAT YOUR PANTS ARE SECURELY FASTENED TO YOUR WASTE.

i have a new nickname- the girl who runs around at lunch to tell chicks to pull their pants up.
god.
briana owns a bright pink v-string and kate owns a pink and white v-string.
isnt it good to know these things.

i mean seriously.

i bought a new pair of sneakers.
they are white and black DVS's
and a pair of dark denim american eagle jeans..

i love spending money.

I AM NICKY THE UGLY LONG BROWN HAIRED GOTH GIRL.

cause im fucking gothic right?
dont fucking label me bitch.
you fucking preppy ass fake dyke.
with your coach bag, and fake blonde hair.
atleast my hair isnt from a fucking bottle.
and my clothes arent like everyone elses.
and im not afriad to stand out, and i could care less if im ugly,
cause the one i need to impress already loves me.
and i could ask for nothing more.

cunt rag.

my back hurts real bad.
and chris. dont try to be emo to get attention.
and if you want to sit there so bad, show up more, and be at lunch on time.
dont sit at the other end alone expecting people to care that you are 'upset' or alone.
no one cares.
pull up a chair next to your girlfriend.

god.
i need to stop being so blunt.
i like it though.

and girls another tip: if you are going to wear sweatpants of a light color and texture, make sure you wear underwear and that they dont get caught in your ass crack.

god what is wrong with the female community today.

do you think you look attractive with your whole butt crack being completely noticeable?

somepeople's hair short looks cute. as long as you dont go overboard.
'nuff said.

"thats mercedes? she looks more like voltzwagon"
hahah funny kids are cool.

no but mercedes, is quite a cool chick, as of now.
i said that before, and look where it got me.

TIFF I LOVE YOU!

i cant wait for my vacation to maine.
its gunna be great.
away from everything.
literally.
man, i wish icould go on a cruise.
fucking mother.

whatever. its 349. my sister is asleep on the couch watching spongebob. oxymoron "like civil war" cause thats the only one i fucking know. hee haw "im not a camel" we know. your a fucking donkey whore bag...thing

and hun, you have a beer belly. your 15.

Tip #3: if you choose to drink massive amounts, wear shirts that cover your beer belly.

im feeling very...advice-y today.
damn what would people do with out me writing this.

hahah.
this was a semi-long one.
by the time i write another one, itll be spring HAHA.

love always,
nicky marie.*

Posted at 03:52 pm by xWastedYouthx
(1) Tears Fallen

1.2.2005

So, Have You Missed Me Enough?

So I'm back.
Again.

Two months Later.
Its January 2nd 2005.
How was your Thanksgiving?
Halloween?
Christmas?

Hannukah?
New Years?
Good? Im glad!

Mine sucked.
I forgot to eat on Thanksgiving...
I didn't get wasted on New Years, And I didnt get to fulfill my halloween traditions.

heheh.

I have nothing to write about.

Dea and I hung out today.
I found Orange lipstick.
We pu ton warpaint.
except i put a beard on Dea.
I broke out from it. I don't know if she did.
hhahhah.

I love Will.

Parents Bye

Posted at 09:17 pm by xWastedYouthx
Let Loose Of A Tear...

10.28.2004

In the Hands of Another

It's so cruel so unfair.
You roped me into doing this.
and you wont let me take a break,
for the one i love.

I take him out and come home later
than i would on that night.

Wheres the logic?
There isnt any,
because you lack it.

Leave me alone or
alone I'll leave you...

...to go away, far away
in the hands of another.
Another of whom you hate.

Why don't you just trun back the clock
so last year can repeat itself.

I'll do it, I swear I'll do it.

Pretty Blade
this is my wrist

Pretty Blood
nice to meet you

How was leaving my heart?
thanks, i'll be doing it soon too.

this isn't a look for sympathy.
this is a mark for my hate.
a hate for you I've overcome,
but now its here to stay..
and it wont end well.

that i can promise you.

hands of another
hands of another
another of whom you hate.

you forget who got me this job.
did i want it?
no
am i miserable?
yes
whose fault?
yours.

take the blame for what you've done.
cut me some slack for a day,
like i've done for you, for years.

and all its dont was make things worse.

it doesn't even phase us.
holy shit.
give it back, along with my sanity.
stop being what you truely are.
your makeing these last three years
seem impossible.

after everything,
you still put him before me.

I was your first.
I was your everything.
If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be here right now.
Even if that would be a better thing.
You wouldn't have two other kids and another husband.

We could have been like that,
and it kills me to know your nothing like how you were.

poor blegh and boo to see the devil in you 24/7
and not know how you were.

you lost your most valuable possesion.
me.

love always,
nicky marie.*

Posted at 09:40 pm by xWastedYouthx
(1) Tears Fallen

10.24.2004

REVIVAl

HOLY SHIT
revival of The Sweet Agony

nothing to write about... like always..

love always,
nicky marie.*

man shoulders.. the war is over..
(love handles)

Posted at 09:25 pm by xWastedYouthx
Let Loose Of A Tear...

10.11.2004

We're all to blame

Well if you wanted honesty, That's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks,
For photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second story?

I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I told you time and time again you sing the words but still don't know what they mean
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time
Take a good hard look!

I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took?
You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed

I'm okay.
I'm okay!
I'm okay, yeah
(I'm okay, yeah)

Wish you were really here listening to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I realize I'm okay!
(Trust me.)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay

Dahae
and
Meriamo.

things are so difficult. hold your head high and reach your dreams.

Love Always,
Nicky Marie.*

Posted at 09:08 pm by xWastedYouthx
(5) Tears Fallen

10.10.2004

And, Keep It This Way..

: series one + you :
+ name : Nicky
+ birthday : June 29th

+ birthplace : RVC

+ current location : ----
+ eye Color : green/hazel
+ hair Color : brown

+ righty or lefty : righty
+ zodiac sign : cancer

+ font :on aim:8 red tahoma

: series two + your favorite :
+ music : punk/rock/metal/goth/industrial..everything
+ cartoon : fairly oddparents, family guy, futurama, recess

+ color :black, red, white, grey

+ slushy flavor : i hate them

+ magazine : seventeen

+ tv show : idk

+ song at the moment:stinkfist-TOOL
+ language : english and french
+ spice girl : sporty

+ food & beverage :food- quesdillas, drink : caramel frappachino
+ subject in school : creative writing

+ weekend activity : chilling, and doing nothing

+ ice cream flavor : cookie dough

+ roller coaster : dont have a favorite

: series three + what is :
+ your most overused phrase on aim : atm? "because i need to so my comp doesnt lag"
+ the last thought you go to sleep with : i wish i was with will
+ the first feature you notice in the opposite sex : eyes, hair..overall apperence
+ the best name for a butler : walter

+ the wussiest sport : golf
+ your best feature : eyes, face
+ your bedtime : idk
+ your greatest fear : supernatural/paranormal
+ your greatest accomplishment : i dont know. i would depend on someone else for that answer

+ your most missed memory : nicky+greg+matt+joe

: series four + you prefer :
+ pepsi or coke : coke

+ mcdonalds or burger king : burger king

+ single or group dates : depends
+ adidas or nike : boots

+ chicken nuggets or chicken fingers : nuggets
+ dogs or cats : dog

+ rugrats or doug : doug
+ single or taken : taken<3
+ lipton ice tea or nestea : snapple
+ one pillow or two : 7

+ chocolate or vanilla : vanilla

+ hot chocolate or hot cocoa : i didnt know they werent the same
+ cappucino or coffee : none
+ boxers or briefs : boxers

: series five + do you :
+ take a shower everyday : yea, or i try to atleast
+ do you think you've been in love : yea, im in it now

+ want to go to college : the one in florida
+ like high school : <3 it

+ want to get married : yes.
+ type with your fingers on the right keys : nah

+ believe in yourself : nop

+ have any tattoos/where : not yet

+ have any piercings/where : 5 ears, one belly

+ get motion sickness : nope

+ think your a health freak : nop

+ get along with your parents : not really
+ like thunderstorms : scared of them

: series six + the future :
+ age you hope to be married : 24ish
+ number & names of children :girls: aurora boys: ----

+ where do you see yourself in five years : college

+ describe your dream wedding : i cant...

+ how do you want to die : next to him.
+ what do you want to be when you grow up : pilot
+ what country would you most like to visit : italy

: series seven + opposite sex :
+ best eye color : green
+ best hair color : Brown
+ short or long hair : long

+ best height : taller than me, not too tall though
+ best weight : not chunky/not scrawny
+ best articles of clothing : shirts/pants/boots
+ best first date location : id ont know
+ best first kiss location : outside in like the middle of everything
+ what facial feature do you find the most attractive : smile and eyes

: series eight + other :
+ whens the last time you slept with a stuffed animal : when i lived in a room instead of a hole in the wall

+ how many rings until you answer the phone : depends
+ whats on your mouse pad : cow spots

+ how many houses have you lived in : 5

+ how many schools have you gone to : 5

+ what color is your bedroom carpet : it will be gret

+ if you were stranded on a desert island & you could only take one thing (not a person) with you, what would you take : music

+ what was the best time of your life so far : cant tell you
+ first grade teachers name : mrs. c.....

+ last word you said : fucking immature bastards

+ last song you sang : tool...

: present :
+ whats in your cd player : a mix/alanis morrisette/ at the drive in

+ what color socks are you wearing : one with clouds and one with a pattern of sorts on it

+ whats under your bed : iidk
+ what time did you wake up today: 615

: future :
+ where do you want to go : everywhere

+ what is your career going to be : pilot

+ where are you going to live : idk

+ how many kids do you want : one or 2

: now :
+ current mood :lazzyy

+ current music :tool

+ current taste : spit

+ current hair : wavy pulled back

+ current clothes : blue sweats, black shirt

+ current annoyance : washing machine
+ current smell : basement
+ current longing : non jealous bf

+ current desktop picture : angel

+ current favorite artist : ...

+ current fingernail color: red

+ current crush : will

+ current hate : female things

+ current favorite article of clothing: boots

+ last cd you bought : trapt for pat

+ favorite place to be : wills house on a sat night
+ time you wake up in the morning : 608

+ do you believe in an afterlife : no
+ how tall are you : 5'6"

+ current favorite word : shit
+ favorite books : getting near to baby

+ favorite season : spring

Posted at 05:29 pm by xWastedYouthx
(3) Tears Fallen

Just Brushed Clean Feeling..

Im going to see Hanzel Und Gretyl!!

Mars Nee Nee Will and Jim.

I cant wait.

Elliot staying over on the 15th.

i have nothing to write about.
im not emo enough.

Love Always,
Nicky Marie.*

Posted at 05:26 pm by xWastedYouthx
Let Loose Of A Tear...